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7:55 pm
September 11, 2008
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Liz
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| posts 38 |
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Yes, it took several years for me to realize that I have been suffering from BPD. Earlier I felt that it’s only DEPRESSION, which makes me struggle with/with out any serious reason. But later I found that not all the times I m in depressive mood. Some times I don’t need any reason to feel joyful and happy. This too at very extremes. During that times I m very excited, very happy and feel that I can do anything and never care for anything/anybody with lots of confidence (over confidence). I feel like doing unnatural, unrealistic and stupid things even, which can be easily identified by normal people.
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7:56 pm
September 11, 2008
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Liz
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I feel like doing some adventurous things and don’t care what I do and I will not be in a state to think about the circumstances that follows it. I just do it …………..e.g., in excitement I some times drive car, 2 wheeler with abnormal speed and some times it very dangerous., I HAVE SPOILT MY RELATIONS WITH BELOVED FEELING THAT I CAN LIVE WITHOUTT ANYONE HAPPILY….. What ever nonsense it might be…. But for these people suffering from BPD, again suddenly unintentionally they get into depression and the situation becomes WORSE. During this period I really feel very guilty about things that I have done earlier…liking missing my FRIENDS etc
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7:58 pm
September 11, 2008
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Liz
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| posts 38 |
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BUT ONCE BROKEN THE RELATIONSHIP CANNOT BE MADE…SO I used to repent all the time…..and some times force me to harm myself, and suicidal tendency is prevalent, isolate myself from others…again in no time I may enter into manic episode… But you know even in this period GUILT will not leave me,, as I still remember about my past events and my mind always tells me / warns me NOT TO REPEAT THESE STUPID THINGS, But don’t know what happens my excitement etc will suppress this consciousness and again DO SUCH BLEAADY Things. This made me feel I might have suffered from OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER
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8:00 pm
September 11, 2008
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Liz
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| posts 38 |
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But not…I'm IN CONSCIOUS STATE, BUT still do such things…repeatedly my gives warning but I cannot care due to this GUILT…everything follows………this cycle repeatedly occurs………
Such a large description will make you know my situation…but I cannot conclude because these cycles may not last long…e.g. I feel depressed for 2-3 days again 2-3 days depression……like this…but cycle repeats and I have been suffering for nearly 5 years with this….but recently I m trying to manage my behavior, extreme…like arrogant sometimes, hysteric, physically and mentally harming others….depression, self guilt etc….I started doing meditation…going for some exercise and started playing sports, CHANGED MY FOOD HABBITS
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8:02 pm
September 11, 2008
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Liz
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AND NOW I M AWARE OF WATS HAPPENING ….SO I ALWAYS TRY TO AVOID THE SITUATIONS THAT …CAUSE DEPRESSION…EXCITEMENT…AND TRY TO KEEP MYSELF IN BALANCE….NOW I FEEL ITS IN MYY HANDS AND NO OTHER CAN HELP ME OR THAT HELP CAN BE RECEIVED IF I M IN POSITIVE ATTITUDE…AND ALWAYS TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE SITUATIONS AND GIVE MY MIND POSITIVE SIGNALS EVERY MOMENT….AND STARTED FEELING NO GUILT ABT NEITHER THE PAST NOR THE FUTURE..WAT I DO IS I KEP MYSELF ENGAGED IN ALL THE ACTIVITIES LEAVING NO TIME TO THINK ABT ALL THESE TRASH…………AND NOW ITS BETTER…AND COMING TO the relationships with others
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8:03 pm
September 11, 2008
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Liz
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NOW I AVOID THE PERSONS, DISCUSSIONS WHICH MAKE ME ANGRY, AND TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS ME….DIGEST AND STILL BE HAPPY…..”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"” this KIND OF SIGNALS THAT YOU KEEP ON GIVING TO YOUR MIND WILL REALLY HELP YOU AND IT HELPED ME…”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"
I HAVE MADE THIS INFORMATION AVAILABLE NOT TO IRRITATE YOU….BUT I FEEL THERE R SEVERAL PEOPLE WHO SUFFER LIKE THIS WITHOUT KNOWING THE REASON…..I HOPE THIS WILL HELP THEM REALIZE THE SITUATION………..”be positive.., discover THE JOY IN GIVING, love OTHERS, BE PATIENT, SMILE, AND life is more precious than any other thing and SUICIDE is not the solution for any problem, take time AND think,….”"”" THIS IS WAT I ALWAYS SAY TO MYSELF TO GET THROUGH THESE DRASTIC CYCLES……..
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8:19 pm
September 11, 2008
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MaX
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| posts 37 |
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I do not suffer from bipolar disorder (I have unipolar depression). Therefore, I do not fully understand how you feel on your moments of total hopelessness and despair.
However, I would like to share with you my insights from a daughter and mother's perspective (yes, both my mother and my daughter were diagnosed with bipolar disorder). Growing up with a bipolar mother was not easy, partly because I had no clue on her diagnosis or on how to deal with her manic phases. In spite of being in the dark about my mother's condition until I became an adult, I must tell you that I am so grateful for being my mother's daughter.
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8:23 pm
September 11, 2008
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MaX
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She taught me how to love, about compassion, patience and has a huge influence on the choices that I have made for my life and on who I am as a person today. My mother gave me the most precious gift of all, which was life. If she was not on this earth, I would not be here writing to you, I would not have fallen in love, married nor had a child.
My daughter is now 13 and was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Her reality is very different from the reality that my mom had. Her illness onset took place while she was/is young, new medication and therapy is available and she has the luck to have parents who are understanding, loving, supportive and proactive in helping her learn how to deal and ask for help when she needs it
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8:24 pm
September 11, 2008
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MaX
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She is lucky that she can learn how to handle her mood swings, to have a plan and to reach out to the people that she loves and who care for her in times of need while she is still living at home. Some days she drives me off the wall, but I am so proud of her and so happy to have her as my daughter. She is a good kid, a good friend, a good daughter, has many passions, interests and dreams. She brought and bring me so much happiness, love and helped me grow in ways that I did not know it was possible as a human being and as a mother
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8:26 pm
September 11, 2008
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MaX
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| posts 37 |
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Anyway, even though your life may not be easy and that sometimes you just want the pain to go away, I would like you to reflect on the fact that your presence in this world means the world to other people. Perhaps your mom, your dad, a sibling, a girlfriend, a friend, an uncle… your life matters and you are valuable.
I heard through the grape vine that when you feel like you want to end it all, that this might be that your disorder is not under control and that your meds/treatment are not quite working and needs to be reviewed. Go speak with your doctor, review your treatment plan and your meds. Sometimes, a little tweaking in strategies and on your meds can make all of the difference in the world. Hang in there. Life is good, even with its thorns. Stick around to see and experience more of the goodness that this world and life has to offer. Wishing you all the best
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2:21 am
September 12, 2008
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Tears
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Hey brother!! I can very well relate to the situation already described here by one of my freind…doing stupid things which don’t go unnoticed by regular people, feeling happy for no reason and then getting depressed and all of that…currently I am socially inactive and don’t like to meet people…and m apprehensive of meeting new people…I don’t really know if m a bipolarian but this is what I have always experienced…
I know what u r talking about bro….absolutely….only in my case the cycling wasn't 2-3 days…weeks (dep) or few months (hypo or higher)….just getting out of a low now….
good that u r channeling your energy and time in2 productive activities….but did I read u mention medications or did I miss it…I just woke up and am slightly groggy…stay cool bro..
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2:46 am
September 12, 2008
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Healer
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Is it worth living a life like this?
Yes my friend, despite all the hardship we bipolar patients face, if God has given us birth I believe it has to be for a reason. I though of committing suicide many a times… but realize its nothing more then cowardice. YOU and I are not cowards, certainly not.
I have OCD and Bipolar both and bipolar is worse but I am coping. We have to live. When the going gets tough the tough only gets going.  Realize the goodness in you the gifts in you. Despite our shortcomings we have more love for those around us then those who don’t have any such illness or problems, that’s what I believe..
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3:51 am
September 12, 2008
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Helper
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The first point is avoiding negative and fearful people…
fearful I mean people who are pessimistic and afraid to act and have all the doubts, they don't take initiatives, So there is a bad effect on the BPDs lives if they are constantly interacting with such people, it has nothing to do with harmful or harmless in the sense you are talking, I am talking about the long run effect they will have on the motivation levels of BPDs by associating and in the Proximity of such people….
There can be many examples, supposing you are going for interview and the person with you expresses doubt or fear about this and that, it will have a lot of effect….many examples can be given like this. In fact BPDs need to live with strong willed and understanding people who can give support and motivate the inner strength and confidence.
Both Negativity and fearfulness are more or less synonymous phenomenon…That itself being another personality Psychological Disorder of different factors…..
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5:45 am
September 12, 2008
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James
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From Loneliness to ALONENESS -
Yes, we are alone… so what? Only who are brave can stand alone, as BPDs our inner psyche is awakened and we have guts to look inwards and with some effort and some understanding of the BPD, we can successfully manage it.
Yes, true that before successfully getting control it takes time and a lot of Deep Understanding of our selves and this so-called Disease. Groups like these are very useful and informative.
It should not be loneliness but it should transform (alchemy) into Aloneness - THE ULTIMATE PEACE, An awareness of peace inside. The Soul of a BPD is highly evolved and yearning for Peace, a proper mentoring can do wonders and the creativity can flow….
But the rest of the world has no time…..you know why? …
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5:49 am
September 12, 2008
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DR
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It really happened in my life with one of my parents being panicky for any small event or news….whenever I stay with them I feel restricted and inactive (of course I do comfort them and help them as much as I can). Of course now I am living independently but that was my observation…I just shared….may be wrong r right…..
BPDs are already having sleeping problems and low concentration and associated dizziness and side effects of medications, poor employability, anger, bizarre thinking etc.. etc….But I don't want any stress or tension and induced fear from outside which as you all know takes straight to the relapse stages if unchecked…..
So be careful about your ENVIRONMENT and The Human Relations You Maintain, Have some close real supportive people around also….
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5:51 am
September 12, 2008
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Dolly
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BPD a boon or curse
People in general sense regard it as a curse mostly…I don’t blame them but my point is, you can't really say Bipolar is mean to you all of the time nor that it is a blessing.
It provides us with some pretty great things. Creativity would be number one, I think but neither the manic nor the depressive sides are good for us, ever. The faintest high will be followed by a grim low so you can write off hypomania as something good.
Overall I'd still say both good and bad. Boon and curse; treasure and poison.
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5:53 am
September 12, 2008
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Dolly
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By the way as for my personal details go…I would like to share my condition with you as well. So here it goes…
I diagnosed myself two months ago! My psychiatrist was going to give me Prozac after my suicide attempt. I could not agree to that. That I get very depress and hopeless is true, but I can also get way too “happy” and euphoric about life. I figured out I cannot possibly be unipolar. I was given Lamictal instead and it's the perfect drug for me. I haven't felt depressed for a while. Too bad that my extreme happiness went away as well.
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